After much deliberating, I did finally hire a videographer as well. He is Dirk Gates of Studio West Video, who had had a special $1200 videography package at the time, and furthermore, he was willing to waive the travel fee because we had a weekday wedding! We’d originally thought not to have a videographer, but I realised I’d miss being able to re-watch our ceremony from the guests’ perspective, Pastor Ricky’s message, our vows and ring exchange, our parents, the speeches, and our first dances. Since the majority of our guests are dear friends that we rarely get to see, and I’ve always been told that it goes by quickly, I did want to get a chance to remember everybody there.

We also have been dancing Argentine tango, as usual, with Fardad Michael Serry, on Monday nights, and private lindy lessons with Derrick Curtis on Saturdays, which keeps our relationship healthy and active, even when we’re both busy with school and work and, since my move to Goleta last October, living a greater distance apart. It’s amazing all that we can learn from dancing: leadership, communication, balance, responsiveness, all of which we’ve already known from our previous years dancing ballroom and tango. Lately, however, as we work on developing deeper technique and subtlety with our dancing, we’ve also learned about the subtleties of communication, give and take, and more importantly, forgiveness. If I can let go enough when he’s not leading as ideally as I’d like him to, I find that his “mistakes” become not mistakes, but easily turn into creative moments. The key is that I trust him to be able to handle the situation and not be so quick to criticise. Similarly, though I can often be inattentive or not react to his lead as quickly as he’d like, as long as he maintains awareness of my position, my balance, and is willing to wait for me to regain my composure, we can continue through the flow of the dance without anyone else being any wiser about the “imperfect” moment.

We sent out invitations a little over two weeks ago – a whole month after our original intended send-out date. It was somewhat frustrating; though I enjoyed the design process, the cutting, scoring, perforating, hole-punching, and assembling process jut got tedious, and he had been too busy with work and school, as had I, to be able to get together, divide the labour, and get the job finished. Thus, with only a day left before our pretty Bette Davis stamps would be useless (as domestic postal rates were to rise another two cents), we spent the morning at his house busily cutting, punching, tying ribbon, and stuffing envelopes. With the job finished (and the invitations looking quite pretty, if I do say so myself!), I felt a whole load lifted off me.

Nonetheless, that was not the end of the troubles. We’ve received only a fifth of the responses so far, even including from those who live in town. Some of them have also been talking about a big vacation to Japan that they’d been planning/considering, even when they are close to Chris and had been informed of the date over a year ago. “Save the date” apparently meant little to them! That was a great disappointment. Also, when sending out a mass email addressing the confusion that one of the guests had had in responding so that others may not experience the same confusion, along with sending maps and lodging information, he had gotten offended and replied that I had poor taste and judgment. I apologised for offending him, explained the situation, but…the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth, and in the process I have become rather sick of the idea of seeing him at work and have decided to leave this job. This is not the first time for him, nor is this the only person who can often be quite nice, other times quite snobby and judgmental. I had made no reference to him at all except the confusion that he’d had, so no one except him would have known, and where I commented on an action – a simple, understandable mistake – he had attacked me personally. So while this isn’t very Christian of me, and I know I am supposed to forgive (“bury the ole’ hatchet,” he’d said), it’s going to take a while, and I’ve learned the lesson that I should have stuck to our initial idea to invite only very close friends and family, not just extending the invitation to coworkers and others just because of changes in our guest list.

That aside, there has also been the stress of knowing that Chris has to move out by the 1^st of June, but he has not found a place yet. His landlady decided she wanted her daughter to move back into the house a month earlier than his original intended move-out date, so he must bear the rent for a place for both of us (I’ll still be living with my mother) for an extra month while we pay rent at my place as well. The deposit + rent for that month cuts drastically into our wedding funds, especially when all the final payments for our vendors are coming up.

We have just recently started a travel business, however, and we are able to get flights, transportation, and lodging at some quite amazing rates, so not only can we help our out-of-town guests find decent lodging, if business there picks up, we may still be able to handle/afford it all. It may even be a good thing to have a drastically reduced guest list, as that would mean we can spend more time on the people who make it and be able to treat them well, without stretching our funds thin.

In the meantime, we have been helped out a lot by contributions to our wedding money registry, including a large anonymous donation. I would love to know the identity of the donor so I could thank them.

For anyone still to respond, please send in your cards as soon as possible so we can get an accurate head count for our caterers.

God bless, hugs and kisses.

Lots of Love,

><> Elizabeth <><

P.S. The photos scattered throughout this entry were taken by Tim and Cheryl Halberg of Halberg Photographers! Don’t you love them?

We did finally book Michelle Schneiter of Verve Events, and her help and advice throughout the planning process has been invaluable. I was so grateful for her organisation, getting the names of people involved, and providing advice on vendors, locations, and timing. Since the last wedding update, we have also changed our venue from Elings Park to having the ceremony in the Mural Room at the Santa Barbara Courthouse, with the reception at the Cabrillo Pavilion Arts Center. As much as I love the idea of a beautiful outdoor wedding on a hill overlooking the city, it was more practical to have a venue that included the tables and chairs and would set up, break down, and clean for us. Also, without the added costs of equipment rental, lighting issues, delivery, and pickup, we saved almost a thousand dollars. I hate counting pennies like this; I had this vision of how I wanted to treat my guests and show my appreciation for them showing up to celebrate with us, but at a certain point, the costs were just far too high to be practical. One thing we agreed on was that we refused to go into debt over the wedding. At least the reception will be at a location on the beach, overlooking the water.

We paid for the ceremony venue in November, and finally put down the deposit for the reception venue a few weeks ago. We went to a cake tasting with Henning’s Cake Boutique two weeks ago as well, so we happily have an order for a cake and cupcakes for us for the day! We also tasted with Catering by Falzone and loved their food! We just need to save up the money to put toward the deposit. For a while we were considering Woody’s Barbecue for the catering, but we get more and a more home-cooked taste with Falzone, plus they communication was excellent, which has been an increasingly important factor in these last few, high-stress months. We have yet to put down a deposit for the rental company, but we did decide on using EventRents for our linen, coffee maker, ice tubs, and other miscellaneous small rentals.

As for ceremony details, we found Leslee Sipress about eight months ago. We are having her and a harpist for the ceremony. Picking out the music has been somewhat difficult. Chris thinks the sound of the harp is beautiful, and though it creates its own sense of elegance and solemnity, we still didn’t want some converted pop tune done in “classical style.” But for classical, I was adamant that I did not want any of the Wagner or Mendelssohn traditional wedding marches (Here Comes the Bride?? No thanks!), or the overplayed Pachelbel’s Canon in D. This meant that we had to do a lot more hunting. Thus far we have fallen in love with the 10th movement of the cantata Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147, by Johann Sebastian Bach, also known as Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring. Also in the list for processionals is the cantata Wachet auf, ruft uns die Stimme, BWV 140, also known as Sleepers, Awake!, and also by Bach. As for which should be the attendants’ entrance and which the bride’s, we haven’t figured that out yet. Following the same trend (Bach, if you haven’t noticed), are the Arioso from Bach’s cantata BWV 156, the 2^nd movement, Largo Ma Non Tanto, from his Concerto for Two Violins in d-minor, BWV 1043, and his Air from Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D major, BWV 1068, better known as Air on a G String. Now, if we stick with this Bach theme, we just have to somehow find a Bach recessional! (Maybe the 1^st movement, Allegro Moderato, from his Brandenburg Concerto #1 in F, BWV 1046?)

In preparation, we have also gone to some pre-marital counselling through Calvary. Rather than have the generic classes, they had us each fill in an information packet about our beliefs, wants, expectations, and concerns, discussed it with us, and then assigned us to an already married couple most suited to us. The experience has been great so far – the couple is very loving, very knowledgeable, and has cared a lot for us and for our relationship. I definitely have seen the benefit of this preparing us to grow toward and for each other in our marriage. So far we’ve only had two “formal counselling” sessions with them, but I’m looking forward to the next one.

As of now, this is what we have:

Chosen, designed, and/or paid for in full (finalised, in other words):

• My dress – made in Thailand on our vacation
• Our bridesmaids/groomsmen – keeping it simple, two each
• My bridesmaids’ dresses
• Our minister – Pastor Ricky Ryan of Calvary Chapel Santa Barbara!
• Our invitations (I designed them in InDesign) – paper, envelopes, etc.
• Silk flowers from MostlyFlowers
• Bridal jewellery from Bead on a Wire
• Day-of coordinator – Michelle Schneiter of Verve Events
• Photographer – Halberg Photographers
• Ceremony venue – the Mural Room at the Santa Barbara Courthouse
• Ceremony musician – flautist Leslee Sipress with a harpist
• Reception venue – the Cabrillo Pavilion Arts Center
• Reception band – Judy Chamberlain band
• Cake/cupcakes – Henning’s Cake Boutique
• Favour bags
• Table layouts
• Wedding day itinerary
• Guest list

We have chosen but still do not have the money for:

• Veil/headpiece from Twigs & Honey
• Equipment rental company – EventRents
• Caterer – Catering by Falzone of Moorpark
• Wedding favours

Things yet to be decided:

• Men’s formalwear – Chris would rather buy a nice suit than rent one, and we need to get the men fitted for suits

Help contribute to the wedding if you can! We’d be super duper grateful! OurWishingWell

God bless, hugs and kisses.

Lots of Love,
><> Elizabeth <><

Joy was also busy, and I wasn’t able to get in contact with her again, so I have been contacting other coordinators for day-of coordinating. The last I’d spoken to Joy, she’d gotten a little overloaded, so it’s understandable that a wedding over a year away is not on the top of her list of priorities. In the meantime, however, I met up with Michelle Schneiter of Verve Events about a week ago, and her day-of coordination package is very reasonable, and I was impressed with how organised she was – getting the list of needs, details, names, etc. So far I’ve found her the most organised and affordable plus easy-to-contact coordinator. I’m 80% sure of booking with her when I can afford it. I get the feeling, however, that I’m also being bridezilla, not having much else to do, and this has been occupying my mind to chase away the bad thoughts from trying to balance everything lately. I’ve been looking for another job, as funding a wedding on a server and a hostess’ salary, and especially buying a house, is a little out there. I did go to an interview and pretty much bag a job, but as a student, I couldn’t justify committing to it for more than six months and give up my academic career for it, so I let it pass.

I just want to get the pieces of this wedding put together so that I have the peace of mind to be able to set it aside. I won’t have nearly as much time for it nearing the end of my studies and with the house purchase looming. I also don’t want to plague Chris with the little details, especially as much as he is spending all his time working and saving now that business is slow, and he and his father are on a tighter deadline to finish the house in Big Bear on the weekends before his dad and Masami (his dad’s wife) have the child in September!

In many ways, I’d love to be happy and just enjoy the moment, but my head doesn’t let me. I’ve seen so many friends get engaged since I’ve started planning, and it seems most are getting married before we do; not that the timing matters as much, but I am a little miffed that it seems easier for them. We don’t need the “large party,” but with many of those closest to us coming from out of town (some of our family coming from out of state or out of country), it would be nice to be able to spend the time celebrating over simple food and dancing. Sadly, “simple food” isn’t so simple or affordable when it comes to Santa Barbara. It would be nice for it to be as simple as getting married in a church surrounded by the people with whom we’ve grown up and who have made our lives beautiful, but as it is we’d have to exclude parents and those who’ve become family if we do that!

As of now, this is what we have:

Chosen, designed, and/or paid for in full (finalised, in other words):

• My dress – made in Thailand on our vacation
• Our bridesmaids/groomsmen – keeping it simple, two each
• My bridesmaids’ dresses
• Our minister – Pastor Ricky Ryan of Calvary Chapel Santa Barbara!
• Our invitations (I designed them in InDesign) – paper, envelopes, etc.
• Silk flowers (may decide on real flowers later if Grass Roots Santa Barbara keeps their “Timeless Orchids” package affordable!)
• Reception band – Judy Chamberlain band, as mentioned above
• Favour bags
• Table layouts
• Wedding day itinerary
• Guest list

We have chosen but still do not have the money for:

• Venue – Elings Park, which requires full payment plus security deposit up front
• Photographer – Robert Hill
• Equipment rental company – Industry Event Services from LA
• Linen rental company (maybe…) – Bright Settings
• Caterer – Simply Marvelous BBQ of Ventura
• Wedding favours
• Ceremony musician – guitarist Jason Sulkin
• Day-of coordinator – (most likely) Michelle Schneiter of Verve Events

Things yet to be decided:

• Mens’ formalwear – Chris would rather buy a nice suit than rent one, and we need to get the men fitted for suits
• Cake/cupcakes – possibly Anna’s Bakery in Goleta or Henning’s Cake Boutique

It’s impolite to beg, but we do have a registry, and anything would help immensely!

God bless, hugs and kisses.

Lots of Love,
><> Elizabeth <><

I am also still waiting to hear from Joy about wedding coordination. To save money, I’m doing most of the planning, but on the day-of, I definitely want somebody there to whom all questions and issues of procedure will be directed. Our first meeting went fabulously, and she seemed to understand our financial restrictions but also offered wonderful ideas about what we’d need. I connected well, which was a great first sign, and she had also worked under another well-known event planner, so she understands the industry. However, she has been busy lately, so until she gets in contact with me again, we are still without coordinator, caterer, photographer, and such.

Today (or yesterday, at this point!), we also contacted the real estate agent again to look at some homes we’d gotten off MLS and the listings he’d printed up for us a few weeks ago. The real estate drop has been a break for us, since we may actually be able to afford a better Santa Barbara home now, but it is by no means easy. We have to arrange another meeting to look at the rest of the houses, condos, and townhouses, and then visit several financial institutions to try to get pre-approved for a loan (just to see how much we could possibly get). Please pray for us, it is definitely needed!

God bless, hugs and kisses.

Lots of Love,
><> Elizabeth <><

As of this moment, I have already bought silk flowers for the bouquets, corsages, and boutonnières, bought paper for and designed the layout of the invitations, gotten about 80% of the guest list worked out, and done most of my budgeting. The depressing thing? This is still not going to be that affordable. A few friends have contributed to the registry, which is a BIG help in getting money together. I guess we just have to save, save, save!

God bless, hugs and kisses.

Lots of Love,
><> Elizabeth <><